So, I totally wrote this blog last night and it didn't save and I was just like "k whatever stupid computer" but in reality I was so mad because I had a lot of great thoughts, but whats new am I right? Okay anyways, lessons learned. Man, we all learn a lot of lessons right? Like even when we don't expect too, we turn around and BOOM lesson learned. I've learned A LOT of lessons lately and I wanted to share them with my fan club, mainly because I live alone like a 90 year old with no cats (just a fish who I think died two days ago but whatever) and its no fun talking to yourself all the time. Actually my dad says its okay to talk to yourself but when you answer yourself is when you have a problem. Okay dad hello I live by myself who else is gonna tell me I'm fabulous? Okay moving on, for real this time.
Background of why I'm writing this: I feel like in the short almost two months I've been gone, I've learned so much. Not only about life and growing up, but about myself and who I am as well. You don't really know who you are until you've been put to the test. Also I feel like the hospital has really helped me to grow up a lot. It teaches you subtle lessons that you never expected to learn, and being in the atmosphere of a hospital teaches you really deep lessons as well. (Corny, I know, but so true.)
Lesson One: Life isn't always fair/It's never as bad as it seems.
I know, these two kind of contradict themselves. I don't think I ever understood that "life wasn't always fair," because my sister and I had it so good, and still do, growing up. My parents would say that a lot, but usually it was like if we didn't win a well deserved cheer competition or I didn't get my new Puma shoes in 9th grade when I was obsessed with Pumas, situations like that. My parents also always said that its never as bad as it seems. Being in a hospital environment so much, I've seen the best of both of these. Remember like a paragraph or two ago when I said that working in a hospital teaches you about yourself and what not? Here's where it applies. I've learned a lot, and I feel like I've grown up a lot as well. I've grown a different eye, a different perspective on how I look at things. Life isn't always fair. Why is it that this poor patient laying on the OR table in front of you has to be there? Why is it that this poor little girl ended up in the ER for a trauma series? A lot of the times, I would rather take the place of my patient. You don't ever want to have to see somebody go through something hard, or terrible, even if this person is a complete stranger to you. That's one part where I've grown. I've always cared about people, but I never knew how I would deal with patient contact and patient care, because that's literally a whole different ball field and surprisingly I've done really well! The other part, it's never as bad as it seems, has hit me since literally day one. I love that I can walk into work and instantly forget how upset or how mad I've been, because I know that I don't have it near as bad as these patients do. In all honesty, I feel like the hospital has been my saving grace. You guys are probably like what is she even talking about right? Well, I moved here not knowing anybody or what I was getting into, and sure I've moved even further before, but I also had family 10 minutes down the highway there. 10 minutes down the highway here gets you to the reservation. See my point? Cool. Moving on. So, like I don't know I was doing really well right just loving life and the hospital, and then something happened that I never really expected too, and it literally shook me like a house built on the sand in a rainstorm (good one, Sam.) The hospital really got me through a lot, in so many more ways than I ever expected. Its so awesome to know that patients who don't even know it, help you out in so many ways. How literally taking an x ray of a chest can turn your day around. And that's why I'm so happy. Because I absolutely love what I'm doing. I mean I love everything about the medical field and if I could specialize in everything I would. I love surgery, neurosurgery, cardiology (the heart freakin rocks,) oncology, radiology (DUH!) I really don't know if any of that entire last paragraph made sense, but I'm hoping that it does for my readers sake.
Lesson Two: The people who love you, will ALWAYS love you.
There is nothing truer (uhhh?) than that sentence. The people who love you will ALWAYS love you. And if they don't love you, they never really did. And sometimes that sucks to know, but the people who love you will never hurt you either, and that's something you can always count on. I'll be honest. The last month or two before I moved I neglected a lot of the people who really truly love and care about me, for something I thought was worth it. Turns out it wasn't. Remember how I talked about how I was shaken like a house built on the sand in a rain storm? Well, here I am 2000 miles away really needing the love and support from the people I didn't pay attention too. And guess what? They were there. All of them were (and still are) there for me. And I could not be anymore grateful for that. I really couldn't be. I'm so appreciative of the friends and family that I have and for all that they do, have done, and will continue to do for me. For the late night phone calls, the hilarious text messages, the video texts (Madi, love ya doll) the care packages, the thinking of you cards, for everything. I am one extremely blessed and one extremely lucky lucky girl. And you know what? LIFE GOES ON. Trust me. It does.
This part doesn't really have anything to do with this lesson learned, but the tech I'm with this week said this to me, and I really liked it. It can apply to any type of situation, because you never stop learning.
"Do not be embarrassed by your mistakes. Nothing can teach us better than our understanding of them. This is one of the best ways of self education." Okay, so this quote kind of leans towards the "education" part, which I still love, but I feel like it can also apply to life in general. Like, I've always been really really hard on myself. My entire childhood, teenage years, yesterday, etc. My parents just kind of raised us a certain way where I feel like it made me a lot harder on myself because I wanted to be perfect. In no way shape or form am I saying my parents didn't raise us right, because they totally did, I mean they raised two perfect little angels :) I'm just saying that I've always held a really high bar over my own head. So when I make a mistake, its like a glitch in the matrix. Good reference Sam! So anyways, like I'm always really mad at myself when I mess up and stuff like that, which I think what's been so hard lately. But hearing quotes like that and hearing it from a tech herself makes it like "hey, Sam, everybody messes up. Here and in life, so get yourself a diet coke and some ice cream even though you're allergic and chill on it k bro?" and then I'm like "k bro" and I'm good. But sometimes I'll throw in some Starbs and a new Steve Madden purse and call it Gucci. Because Itzel taught me that its always Gucci unless its Nike and we don't do that okay?
I really don't even know where this blog is at anymore to be honest. And I'm sure that as soon as I'm done typing this I'll think of a million more life lessons and things that I've learned lately. But hey thanks for reading I guess even though I'm a total space cadet, and I hope that maybe somebody got something out of this.