Growing up is hard to do.

Well, it is, right? I mean I'm not saying that its not fun too, because it is, its just hard or it can be. You have to pay bills, you have to go to school, I mean figuring out what you want to do in life is hard enough! Lucky for me I've known since I was 16, and I haven't regretted a single thing about it. Get a big kid job (which if you find the right one, you'll love it and it won't feel like work!) So many things can make growing up hard. First of all, people make growing up hard. Because sometimes people are just straight up meanie heads and want to rain on your parade. But you know what? Grab an umbrella because you aren't letting them. One thing that I've really noticed a lot lately is that people do not know how to take responsibility for their own actions. Yeah, I learned how to do that before I hit kindergarten so its a shame that some "adults" don't know how to do that. I learned from a young age that if you pull your sister's hair, mom and dad are gonna get mad. And if you push your sister in front of a truck when she's in a stroller, mom and dad are gonna get REALLY mad. (Sorry Court, I didn't mean to hate you back then.) Anyways, every action has a consequence. Especially in a relationship. Nothing good comes from lying or cheating, especially cheating, and I have no respect for people who think that it does. I could not care less what the excuse you have is, it is NOT okay and it never will be, and if you think it is, then you should probably swerve. I'm not trying to degrade or look down on anyone, everybody makes mistakes. But the best possible way to handle a situation like that, and to really grow up, is to be able to admit you're wrong. You will never go far in life if you don't know how to apologize, and how to sincerely mean it. Maturity is key.

Growing up isn't always a hard or bad thing though, don't get me wrong! It's such a beautiful thing to be able to live and to love life so much. We grow up, we fall in love, we fall out of love, we make mistakes, and sometimes we don't. Sometimes we get lucky enough to fall in love with our best friend, and sometimes we learn things the hard way, and that's okay too. Life isn't always easy, but it is 100% definitely worth it. I would take a broken heart any day if it made me a better person because of it.

One thing I'm really big on is life lessons, and I have my parents to thank for that. Actually I have my parents to thank for quite a lot. I believe that they raised me to be a really great girl. Sometimes I can be a little devil, and everybody knows that, but deep down I always try to have the best intentions. I know how to own up to my mistakes, to fix them, and how to swallow my pride. If I take any piece of advice that my dad taught me growing up (besides how to stomp on a milk carton and make it sound like a gunshot,) it would be to swallow your pride. You aren't always going to be right. In fact, most of the time you are going to be really wrong. And the best way to handle it, is to swallow your pride. Life will be so much easier once you learn how to forgive yourself and how to forgive others. My parents  turned EVERYTHING into a life lesson for Courtney and I, and I'm not just saying that. Literally everything was turned into a life lesson and I'm really grateful for it. I think that having that kind of outlook on everything made Courtney and I better girls, and it made us both who we are today. It makes the hard times easier to get through, and it makes the really great times that much better. Because things will always get better, they will. You have to believe it, you have to have faith, and they will.

Positivity is not always an easy thing, especially with so many negative connotations that have to do with just about everything. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not one who's always positive, but I've been working my absolute hardest to be. Positivity has a ripple affect. It's all in the attitude. When you're happy about life, everybody else around you seems to pick up on your sunshiny thoughts, and the world just seems to be a better place. Wouldn't we all like to live in a world like that?

I'm currently reading an Audrey Hepburn book titled "How to be lovely." I think that every girl who cares about her place in this world should read it. It's not just about how to be pretty, etc. Its about how to have grace, how to have elegance and class, and how to hold your own. And that's something that I really want to have. I personally want to be able to be an example to others, the way that my very best friend, Madison Meyer, has been to me. Now I won't go off ranting about Madi (although I have plenty to say about this sweet girl!) but she has been such an example of elegance, grace, and a darn good example of how to be a tough girl in this scary and hurtful world. I wouldn't have been able to get through the last few months without her to be honest. And that has been one of the biggest examples of a saving grace to me if I've ever seen one. And that's the kind of girl that I want to be, and who my parents raised me to be. I'm closer to where I was, but I still have a long ways to go, and that's perfectly okay.

Sometimes we lose track of ourselves in this big big world, but with our "saving graces" we can get back on track, and find ourselves. Growing up is hard to do. It really is. But with patience, love, and faith, we can have the lives that we've always dreamed of having, and have the lives that we deserve to have. Never settle.

xoxo.

Lessons Learned.

So, I totally wrote this blog last night and it didn't save and I was just like "k whatever stupid computer" but in reality I was so mad because I had a lot of great thoughts, but whats new am I right? Okay anyways, lessons learned. Man, we all learn a lot of lessons right? Like even when we don't expect too, we turn around and BOOM lesson learned. I've learned A LOT of lessons lately and I wanted to share them with my fan club, mainly because I live alone like a 90 year old with no cats (just a fish who I think died two days ago but whatever) and its no fun talking to yourself all the time. Actually my dad says its okay to talk to yourself but when you answer yourself is when you have a problem. Okay dad hello I live by myself who else is gonna tell me I'm fabulous? Okay moving on, for real this time.

Background of why I'm writing this: I feel like in the short almost two months I've been gone, I've learned so much. Not only about life and growing up, but about myself and who I am as well. You don't really know who you are until you've been put to the test. Also I feel like the hospital has really helped me to grow up a lot. It teaches you subtle lessons that you never expected to learn, and being in the atmosphere of a hospital teaches you really deep lessons as well. (Corny, I know, but so true.)

Lesson One: Life isn't always fair/It's never as bad as it seems.
I know, these two kind of contradict themselves. I don't think I ever understood that "life wasn't always fair," because my sister and I had it so good, and still do, growing up. My parents would say that a lot, but usually it was like if we didn't win a well deserved cheer competition or I didn't get my new Puma shoes in 9th grade when I was obsessed with Pumas, situations like that. My parents also always said that its never as bad as it seems. Being in a hospital environment so much, I've seen the best of both of these. Remember like a paragraph or two ago when I said that working in a hospital teaches you about yourself and what not? Here's where it applies. I've learned a lot, and I feel like I've grown up a lot as well. I've grown a different eye, a different perspective on how I look at things. Life isn't always fair. Why is it that this poor patient laying on the OR table in front of you has to be there? Why is it that this poor little girl ended up in the ER for a trauma series? A lot of the times, I would rather take the place of my patient. You don't ever want to have to see somebody go through something hard, or terrible, even if this person is a complete stranger to you. That's one part where I've grown. I've always cared about people, but I never knew how I would deal with patient contact and patient care, because that's literally a whole different ball field and surprisingly I've done really well! The other part, it's never as bad as it seems, has hit me since literally day one. I love that I can walk into work and instantly forget how upset or how mad I've been, because I know that I don't have it near as bad as these patients do. In all honesty, I feel like the hospital has been my saving grace. You guys are probably like what is she even talking about right? Well, I moved here not knowing anybody or what I was getting into, and sure I've moved even further before, but I also had family 10 minutes down the highway there. 10 minutes down the highway here gets you to the reservation. See my point? Cool. Moving on. So, like I don't know I was doing really well right just loving life and the hospital, and then something happened that I never really expected too, and it literally shook me like a house built on the sand in a rainstorm (good one, Sam.) The hospital really got me through a lot, in so many more ways than I ever expected. Its so awesome to know that patients who don't even know it, help you out in so many ways. How literally taking an x ray of a chest can turn your day around. And that's why I'm so happy. Because I absolutely love what I'm doing. I mean I love everything about the medical field and if I could specialize in everything I would. I love surgery, neurosurgery, cardiology (the heart freakin rocks,) oncology, radiology (DUH!) I really don't know if any of that entire last paragraph made sense, but I'm hoping that it does for my readers sake. 

Lesson Two: The people who love you, will ALWAYS love you. 
There is nothing truer (uhhh?) than that sentence. The people who love you will ALWAYS love you. And if they don't love you, they never really did. And sometimes that sucks to know, but the people who love you will never hurt you either, and that's something you can always count on. I'll be honest. The last month or two before I moved I neglected a lot of the people who really truly love and care about me, for something I thought was worth it. Turns out it wasn't. Remember how I talked about how I was shaken like a house built on the sand in a rain storm? Well, here I am 2000 miles away really needing the love and support from the people I didn't pay attention too. And guess what? They were there. All of them were (and still are) there for me. And I could not be anymore grateful for that. I really couldn't be. I'm so appreciative of the friends and family that I have and for all that they do, have done, and will continue to do for me. For the late night phone calls, the hilarious text messages, the video texts (Madi, love ya doll) the care packages, the thinking of you cards, for everything. I am one extremely blessed and one extremely lucky lucky girl. And you know what? LIFE GOES ON. Trust me. It does. 
This part doesn't really have anything to do with this lesson learned, but the tech I'm with this week said this to me, and I really liked it. It can apply to any type of situation, because you never stop learning.
"Do not be embarrassed by your mistakes. Nothing can teach us better than our understanding of them. This is one of the best ways of self education." Okay, so this quote kind of leans towards the "education" part, which I still love, but I feel like it can also apply to life in general. Like, I've always been really really hard on myself. My entire childhood, teenage years, yesterday, etc. My parents just kind of raised us a certain way where I feel like it made me a lot harder on myself because I wanted to be perfect. In no way shape or form am I saying my parents didn't raise us right, because they totally did, I mean they raised two perfect little angels :) I'm just saying that I've always held a really high bar over my own head. So when I make a mistake, its like a glitch in the matrix. Good reference Sam! So anyways, like I'm always really mad at myself when I mess up and stuff like that, which I think what's been so hard lately. But hearing quotes like that and hearing it from a tech herself makes it like "hey, Sam, everybody messes up. Here and in life, so get yourself a diet coke and some ice cream even though you're allergic and chill on it k bro?" and then I'm like "k bro" and I'm good. But sometimes I'll throw in some Starbs and a new Steve Madden purse and call it Gucci. Because Itzel taught me that its always Gucci unless its Nike and we don't do that okay? 

I really don't even know where this blog is at anymore to be honest. And I'm sure that as soon as I'm done typing this I'll think of a million more life lessons and things that I've learned lately. But hey thanks for reading I guess even though I'm a total space cadet, and I hope that maybe somebody got something out of this.
xoxo.

I forgot I used to blog.

Oh HEY everyone. I forgot that I used to do this thing called blogging. Actually I didn't forget, I remembered I just never know what to write about. Sike I always know what to write I just don't know how to say it...SIKE again I'm just really lazy.
ANYWAYS, its been quite a few months since I've last blogged, and so so so much has happened that I wouldn't even know where to start. I think I've blogged before about things that I've learned, actually I'm 95.8% sure I have so YOLO I'm gonna do it again because I've learned a lot lately. Also I apologize for saying YOLO....hahaha no I don't. 
Okay moving on.
Things I've learned (both serious and not)

1. Life is better when you paint your nails. Sorry boys, this probably doesn't apply to you, but it is. Like for real give me some nail polish (preferably pink) and I own this place.
2. Friends is one of the greatest TV shows ever made. And I am a lot like Phoebe. "Phoebe...that's a great name." "You like that? You should hear my phone number!" DEAD.
3. (Insert cheesy quote) "If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely." I mean, lets be real, we all know that I have really great looks anyways, but I'm starting to realize a lot more lately that being happy is a REALLY attractive quality. And it makes life SO much better. 
4. I have the greatest parents in the world. 99% of the time I am the world's biggest spoiled brat and I often question how I came from two amazing and saint like parents, but nonetheless I could not be more grateful for the parents that I have. If I have any goal in life, besides to marry Scott Disick, its to be like my parents. Words cannot even come close to explaining how selfless and how truly amazing my mom and dad are. They are constantly showing me that there really are good people left in this world.
5. Courtney is the best little sister ever, and the more time I spend away from her, the more I realize how much of an impact this girl has had on my life. She is always teaching me something, even if she doesn't realize it. She's a great example of who I want to be, even though she may be younger than I am.
6. I look better with dark hair. And no I don't look like Snow White....yet.
7. I am completely in love with Mumford and Sons. And Bob Dylan. And Coldplay. And myself. Sue me. 
8. I've been blessed with the most amazing friends. Seriously. They are always bailing me out of sticky situations. Like when I leave my house keys at home in the Tri...twice. Or when I have to take my car in to the shop and I don't want to be stuck there so they volunteer to come save me. Or when I want to cry and they give me the best advice, and then eat ice cream and watch chick flicks and Vampire Diaries with me. I couldn't even imagine where I would be in my life right now without my best friends.
9. My vocab has become really ghetto lately, and it is awesome. FURREAL DOE. PS sawry I'm ratchet.
10. Sometimes growing up can be the pits, and sometimes its like, really really awesome. Like when you live at home and you eat ice cream straight up outta the carton and then your mom may or may not yell at you (she does) and then you're like "uhhh I just wanted some ice cream" and then it gets really awkward, well living on your own is great because you don't have any one to yell at you for eating ice cream out of the carton. Or for having massive amounts of candy for breakfast. And then when you go home you can have the really good nutritious meals that your parents think you've been eating all along when really you haven't been.

And to end this really pointless blog, I would just like to throw out there that life is so much better than we think it is. I haven't turned into some big philosophical human being or anything, I've just realized for myself how great life is. I've been trying really hard not to let anything deter my path or my way of thinking, because I know how easy it can be to let negative things control us or get in our way. 

SAWRY BUT ITS NOT HAPPENING HERE. Doe. I'm sorry. I had to throw in doe. I love that word.

xoxo.

Okay well brownie points to you for reading this. You rock.

a lot to do about nothing.

I'm gonna try not to make this blog bitter or depressing so hopefully it can turn out to be funny and how I have pictured it in my head. Is it weird that when I'm bored and I think about blogging that I start to name off or write blogs in my head? I usually forget them by the time that I go to write them down though, so I guess it doesn't really help much. HAHA.

Anyways, so as most of you know (most of you, as in I hope people actually read this...) I moved like a week or so ago, honestly I don't even remember I've lost track of the days, ANYWAYS so I moved like a week or so ago or something like that and I really thought that living on your own would be so perfect and easy, but I must have been on drugs or something because I was pretty much delusional. Don't get me wrong it is pretty great, but let me tell you why its not.

• I'm a scaredy cat, so naturally I would be afraid to live on my own...nuff said.
• Making dinner for one person is kind of the pits, I didn't really even cook at home that much and that was for 4 of us, so now that I have to either cook for myself or starve (starving is not an option because I just love food too much) I have no choice but to cook! But I will say that I've been making some pretty bomb meals. Just call me Chef Sam. Or Becky Home-eccy. HAHA (Dance Moms reference..had too.)
• I don't like cleaning, but I'm not a messy person. Does that even make sense?
• For those of you who have seen Risky Business, the first thing you think of when you think of living alone is sliding through your hallway/kitchen in your underwear because you're parents aren't home. False. That's not real life. Well it might be for some of you...I don't wanna know.
• Also when I do laundry I feel like Cinderella only that's bad because she's the worst Disney Princess ever (just ask Itzel Lucatero) but at home I used to LOVE doing laundry. Like literally I could do it for hours because I'm just that weird, but when I lived in a dorm in Green Bay I hated doing laundry there too! Something about running a household for one person isn't appealing..

Okay so I think that's all the "nagging" that I have to do about living on my own. OH WAIT. I totally forgot one that's super important. I HAVENT SEEN ANY HOT GUYS AROUND HERE. Wasn't that like, a requirement for me to move? How did that slip by my careful eye? I have been running an awful awful lot lately, I've probably put on more miles on my beloved running shoes these last 3 days then I have the last 3 months, it happens where you're bored and frustrated and lonely and mad, but I won't go there on something like this because A. I'm better than that and B. I once had a cheer coach that always told us "classy not trashy, we want to be Posh not Britney." So that's like my life motto now, but I still love Britney Spears so whatevs, would you hold it against me? Hahaha I seriously need a life. I have never been so excited for school to start in my entire life. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Annnddd that's a lot of evers. Okay so back to my running a ton story, I live literally right by the mall, if you know me at all, you know that's bad, especially since there's a Forever 21. That's like suicide. Anyways, so I've been running by the mall because obviously there's a lot of people by the mall and I get scared running where there isn't a lot of people because I live by a lot of fields too and fields are  the perfect places to hide bodies of 20 year old girls. I'm not crazy, I just watch a lot of tv. Anyways, back to my story for the 3rd time, I run by the mall a lot, which allows me to people watch like crazy, which also allows me to scope out hot boys, like the two that were riding their bikes today when I was running. Too bad I didn't talk to them. Maybe tomorrow I'll have to pretend to sprain my ankle or something good like that. Also I ate a couple bugs today on my run and it was super super nasty. I don't reccommend it. They don't taste like chocolate, I promise!

So pretty much this blog is pointless, like alllll my other ones, but hey, I'm the writer so I call the shots here!
Thanks for reading!
xoxo.

Thank goodness for best friends.

So I don't really blog too much about mushy gushy kinds of things, but lately I have been extremely grateful for the very best friends and family that I have! So I definitely want to brag about them, obviously.
I love my family and my friends so much, even though sometimes I don't act like it. For example, yesterday was Mother's day, and my Mother is a saint. Let me tell you, she really is. My mom and my dad drove up here to spend Mother's day with my sister and I, and my mother ended up cleaning and organizing my entire apartment, and taking care of my sick little self while I laid in bed. She is the best mother ever.

Also, I have the best family members ever! They are always there for me, no matter what. Whether its in need of a desperate phone call or text, or someone has to load up a shotgun, they are there. I would be lost without them all!
You know you have the best friends ever when they drive a half hour to come make you dinner when you're lonely, when they drive a half hour to come hang out with you while you're on your death bed, when they stay up way later then they should to talk to you about the boy who broke your heart, and  when they watch sad chick flicks with you and eat ice cream and brownies to help you feel better. I could probably go on forever but I will keep it short because we are currently watching The Bachlorette. I literally have the best friends ever!

Love you all!
xoxo.

The Bucket List.

So I've had a lot of time on my hands lately, that's probably a bad thing because all I do now is just watch TV and think, but anyways, so I've had a lot of time on my hands right? Right. And I've been really bored so my imagination has been running wild, and I've been thinking of all the things that I want to do in my life! I combined them all into a Bucket List (I know its so totally cliche, but I don't really care!) P.s. The Bucket List is a really good movie, super sad though, however totally inspiring.

Okay, so here's my bucket list as of today, I'll probably end up adding more to it eventually! Also, don't judge me, we're all different for a reason.

• Run the Boston Marathon by the time I'm 30!
• Work as a rad tech on the islands of Tonga, Fiji, Samoa, etc, and help with their health care.
• Ruin as many pairs of running shoes as I can from running so much.
• Be in two states at once.
• Meet Nicki Minaj (Obviously with Brett Hogg by my side.)
• Visit Strawberry Fields in Central Park.
• Have a flour fight!
• Help find a cure for cancer.
• Send a letter via owl (preferably Hedwig)
• Meet the Kardashians!
• Move to Hawaii!
• Fully overcome my fear of the ocean.
• Buy a Venus Flytrap and train it to eat everyone I don't like.
• Spend an entire day holding up a "free hugs" sign in a big city.
• Date someone who loves bowties as much as I do.
• Read 365 books in a year.
• See how many balloons it takes to lift myself up off the ground.
• Go to Barcelona and Madrid and work at the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center there.
• Make "fetch" happen.
• Visit Westminister Abbey.
• Steal a Wall Street sign and hang it in my room.

So right meow that's all I can think of, but I'm sure I will have a much longer list soon!

Thanks for reading!
xoxo.

Spring Break!

I haven't blogged in sooo long, and Stephanie Carlon has been really making me want to blog because she made her blog all cute and it gave me motivation! Thanks Steph!

Anyways, so for spring break, my family and I went to Hawaii! It was SO much fun, I could live there forever! Even if the weather is bad there, its still perfect (if that makes sense.) We did so much, but I wish we would have been there longer because there is still so much that we didn't do, but I'm super glad we went!

I'm gonna post some pictures, and then I'll explain them!

So, as you can so obviously tell, Courtney is like 10x darker than me, so save it because I already know! Anyways, we went parasailing, which was probably the scariest thing I've ever done in my whole 20 years of living. I'm not afraid of heights, however I am terrified of the ocean, and when you're swinging around 800 feet above the deep blue, it's a little frightening. Okay, maybe it was worse than that. I almost had a panic attack up there, even ask Courtney. She was laughing at me! I didn't want to get dipped because like I said, I hate the ocean, but my wonderful parents who were on the boat when we were in the air told the people running the show that we wanted to get dipped. A lot. So who got dunked in the ocean up to their necks? Courtney and I did! And not only was it a dunk, but it was like a "hey let's watch paint dry while you're sitting in the middle of the ocean with your feet dangling in the water for a shark to come eat them off!" kind of dunk. So scary and I'm never doing it again.


One of my favorite things that we did in Hawaii was go see Pearl Harbor and the Punchbowl. I'm kind of a nerdy nerd and I love history, so it was super cool to me. It really made me want to work on a Navy Base Hospital!


Of course one of the most beautiful things we saw was the Laie Hawaii Temple at BYU Hawaii. So beautiful! When you go to the Polynesian Cultural Center, you can take a tram tour to visit BYUH and the Temple, which I thought was kind of neat.


Let's see, all over Waikiki Beach there's statues of different Kings and Queens, like literally all over. People go and put flower leis on them for some reason, but its kind of cool too. And Ashley Knode, if you're reading this, the beach is that way!! :)


OH! I almost forgot! I swam with dolphins!!! We went to this place called Sealife Park and we got to swim with dolphins! I'm not gonna lie that was also really terrifying because when all you can see in the tank is the fin, it kind of looks like a shark. I almost didn't even do it, Courtney and my parents made me. The instructor lady asked me if I was nervous because I was basically the color of a ghost because I was so scared, but little did she know I'm always the color of a ghost! It was really fun though, and the dolphins feel all slimy and rubbery! I got to kiss them too, which was a cool experience! The lady had us swim out to the middle of the tank and then they have the dolphins swim underneath you and I almost pooped my pants, it was so scary! As if you can't tell, I'm kind of a baby. No big deal.


Climbing Diamond Head was also really fun. I love stuff like that! There's a lot of steps you have to climb but in my opinion that hike was easier than climbing Badger! Plus the scenery was way better too.


We didn't make it to Haunama Bay to go snorkeling, however we did go snorkeling in a reef tank at our hotel that was just full of fish which was fine by me because I hate fish and sharks and turtles and eels and basically anything else that can kill me in the ocean. I'm actually really glad we didn't go snorkeling in a Bay area or whatever because I almost had a heart attack in the reef tank with ONLY fish, so my heart probably would have stopped in the actual ocean.


So that's pretty much it, I mean we did a lot more than all of that but I realized this post is getting kind of long. So sorry to anyone who's reading! I will tell you guys that I'm allergic to mosquito bites, and I got like 10 or 11 of them in Hawaii, and since I'm allergic usually they swell up and turn purple, but these ones decided to swell and blister so I literally looked like I had a disease. It was awesome.


Okay, thanks for reading!
XOXO.